Yesterday, a little girl of my acquaintance looked up at me with a huge smile and said, “I”m NOT a baby! I’m not four anymore! I’m five now!” On her little face was all the joy and confidence of one who had reach a milestone and felt she had arrived. All grown up.
I sometimes feel like the ultimate late bloomer. Having recently had one of those significant birthdays (you know the ones-ending in a “0”), I keep waiting for that feeling of arrival. Somehow, I keep missing it…
At a time in my life when my mother and even, occasionally, my grandmother look back at me in the mirror, I keep hoping that some share of the confidence and wisdom they seemed to have at my current age will miraculously surge forth. Unfortunately, it hasn’t happened yet. In so many ways, I don’t feel a whole lot different now than I ever did. I don’t feel “all grown up.” Some of the same insecurities and emotions still sway me; the same conviction that somewhere over the horizon is the success or desired object still buoys me.
And yet… I can’t say that no progress has been made. Forward movement occurs every day. Feelings get handled. Things that hurt or upset me in years past no longer matter. When I do get upset, I get over it (eventually). Decisions get made and even carried out! Stones in the road are not insurmountable barriers; sometimes I go past them and other times I enjoy the detour when I go around. I still fear the unknown; I just don’t let the fear stop me.
Time seems to go by faster every day. I don’t feel like I am keeping pace with it. Somehow, today, I think that’s for the best!
How do you feel about it?